wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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