I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
