Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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