i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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