I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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