I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
