I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
