matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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