just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
