I think I died a long time ago.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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