I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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