Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
