It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My ass is underappreciated
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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