So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
