My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
