i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
