Do you still have your period?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
