Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
