Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
