Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
