You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
