proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
