i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just had sex bonerless
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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