dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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