Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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