You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
