just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
