Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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