so explain again why im purple
no
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
