Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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