A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
