i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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