Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
