I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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