Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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