I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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