Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
