This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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