I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
