I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
