I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
