i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
