Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
