this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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