Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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