the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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