You work out of a Hotel?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this will be a night to untag.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
