Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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