i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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