Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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