Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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