I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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