i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
