So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
there is glitter all over my balls
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
