new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize