i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
