It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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