on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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