You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
