I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
