She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
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As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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